Ayn Rand Appears

Ayn Rand Appears to Crystal Lake Fishermen

(Ouray) Author of the objectivist philosophy, Ayn Rand appeared to sturgeon fishermen here today stumping for GOP candidates in this traditional union workplace. Rand, thought to have died in 1982, looked drawn and tired according to reports on the scene. Accompanying her was Friedrich von Hayek, the neoclassical Austrian economist.

Her companion, Professor Hayek, whose death was recorded in 1992, told fishermen that government intervention in a free market system can only make things worse. He added that the adoption of an objectivism philosophy, where everyone pursued his own happiness in deference to the plight of his fellow man, was the only real path to economic growth.

“We are not our brother’s keeper,” he said.

A third apparition, who remained in the background during the intercourse, looked suspiciously like former President Ronald Reagan.

Many freewheeling fiscal saviors have cherry picked from Hayek as far back as Herbert Hoover and Milton Friedman. Margaret Thatcher embraced his beliefs of classical liberalism, seeing personal and economic freedom as entwined and essential to a healthy world economy.

Despite persistent rumors, no one walked on the water during the sojourn.

Rand, born in St Petersburg, Russia, urged the local sturgeon industry to throw off the chains of government meddling, while harvesting high altitude caviar “like Atlas in the silver veins of yesterday.”

Fishermen, who have been testing these waters for centuries agreed that the appearances provided a positive distraction in what can be a tedious daily existence. Meanwhile people in town concur that the whole thing was concocted as a publicity stunt by cults living on Red Mountain.

– John Galt