Author Archive for M. Toole
Get out in a tent
Deluxe sleeping accommodations in an aspen grove near Lake City.
Kamikaze Attacks Up Again in June
(Colona, CO — Downtown Wildlife Review — July 9, 2106)
Motorists have been warned after a sharp spike in desperate attacks on our highways in June. Two terrorist groups, RVers and mule deer, have been singled out as the ruthless culprits in these violent incidents.
Called Kamikaze attacks by state and federal authorities the action has prompted clone surveillance, beefed up patrols, arrests, promises and a lot of whitewashing, common to gov’ment entities from large to small. Although there were attacks over the winter these rascals of the road prefer to do their dirty work when the weather gets warmer.
A Kamikaze is now defined by Websters as 1. the average senior citizen operating a vehicle 17 times the size of his head without the clear, steady vision needed to find his false teeth. 2. Driving something that you do not completely control in a state of semi-consciousness.
“It’s more than thrill seeking,” said one social scientists that has studied this phenomenon for 30 years. “This is systematic destruction without provocation is somehow attached to some twisted belief in road warrior justice and bent revenge for something that happened in the past. We don’t know what that could be but we’re working to disclose the data once we find it.”
The Colorado Highway Patrol suggests the employment of evasive tactics if one encounters a kamikaze. Do not panic. Pass on the left. Give it full throttle and watch for stragglers on the shoulder. Use anti-aircraft mounts (see operator’s manual) and implants when the target comes into view and always remember that you are dealing with a desperate adversary.
– Rufus Maxwell
LOCAL POWER OFF
(Wimpton Towne — July 8, 2016)
The local electricity will be shut off at approximately 4:18 am on May 22 so that necessary repairs and adjustments can be made in accordance with an abundance of solar and wind-generated power. The traditional snail-wire power will be restored at 5:28 on November 6. We hope that none of our beloved customers are inconvenienced by this lapse in service. Strategic Power Points will remain connected to the grid due to those large nuclear missile emplacements that were built last fall north of the population center. If anyone has issues with this plan they should leave the country.
Keeping Cool in Texas
This is how them Texans keep cool (especially the ones too poor to visit Colorado). Above we take a peek at the rare Lone Star, wet-backed water dog cools off on a hot afternoon. Notice the happy smaller variety of the same rare species in the background. (Tessa Fano Photo)
Enchanted tree in mountains above Taos, New Mexico
Face in a tree on the Rio Chiqita in the Sangre de Cristos. Photo by Delinda Austin
The throne in the woods
Bano en las Sangre de Cristos. (Photo by Delinda Austin – July 5, 2016)
