Author Archive for M. Toole
REAL AMERICANS
REAL AMERICANS don’t bully the weaker segments of society. Real Americans don’t pick on someone who is already down. Real Americans don’t blame others if their lives suck. Real Americans get it and take responsibility for their own lives and the lives of their families. Happy Fourth to all of the Real Patriots, men and women who know how and why we became a nation and what it takes to preserve our integrity. – Jingles Jingo
July 4, 2016
Legislación Catsup en Hot Seat
(Bowling Green, OH – Examinador albóndiga – 2 de julio,)
Un proyecto de ley disputada que castigar a las personas que habitualmente abusan catsup ha llegado al Senado de Colorado esta mañana. Habiendo aprobado por la Cámara por una votación de más de 3 – 1, el proyecto de ley parece destinada para su aprobación a pesar de cabildeo pesado. Los intentos de matar a la legislación en la comisión fracasó y se presentó hasta que los tomates empiezan a gusto como los tomates de nuevo.
Gran Catsup, representada por Heinz y otros mega preocupaciones dicen que la aprobación de la ley significaría medidas restrictivas en usuarios catsup volcando la circulación y creando desempleo.
Los partidarios de la legislación dicen los cocineros, cocineros, y conocedores de traspatio se merecen un poco de alivio. Ellos sostienen que toda la cultura es contra la pared de la salsa de tomate.
“No queremos criminalizar el uso de catsup”, dijo un defensor de la factura. “Sólo queremos desalentar su uso con determinados grupos de alimentos y materias de ciertos grupos de alimentos.”
El tema del abuso catsup se ha aplazado constantemente mientras que el estado de indiferencia promete procesarlo, pero no a ella ya las personas, pero no los otros. Está claro que necesitamos agencias estatales y federales para mantener la tapa sobre aquí.
“Cualquier elemento que lleva más de 20 minutos para preparar debería limitarse a la aplicación sin sentido de catsup”, apareció en un defensor de controles más estrictos. “Las tortillas, pescado, cortes de carne y alimentos más étnica nunca deben ser manipulados catsup o de alguna manera transformado por la aplicación de, salsa de tomate fría dulce.”
En noticias relacionadas, el magnate de la hamburguesa de Ronald McDonald, el payaso de comida rápida que tuvo éxito en convencer a la gov’ment federal que catsup era un vegetal en 1982, fue atropellado por un camión de tofu en Grand Junction esta tarde. Falleció después de una breve lucha en el frío suelo de uno de sus restaurantes de la zona, un luchador hasta el final.
– Tío Pahgre
Poodle Outfitter
Tracking Big Game
with Pierre le Gallant
Soon bear season will be upon us and if you’re looking to find any of these furry beasts you’re gona have to get out into the woods. My favorite spots are Roubidoux Canyon, Black Mesa and the wilds of the Uncompahgre Plateau.
I am the Poodle Outfitter. Logistics are my business.
There are plenty of methods aimed at attracting black bears. The most primitive, yet popular is to bury a dead cow and wait. Bear love the delicacy of carcasses full of maggots. They often bury their food before eating.
Another way to lure the bear into the staging area is o use candy. They love the stuff. Usually one can acquire seconds from Russell Stover or one of his friends. Simply bury the candy about a foot deep…and sprinkle a few pieces on the surface. The bear will find it.
The practice of stealing a bear cub from its mother might work but most likely turn into a fiasco. Baiting works better, and is far safer.
Remember that bear climb trees like chimps and travel at the speed of a slow cheetah. The concept here is to tree a bear not have the bear tree the hunter. Many hunters use dogs to tree the bear then shoot it from the safety of their entourage. How brave. I prefer to shoot elk because the neat is far better and the toy manufacturers do not offer a teddy elk to little children.
After one shoots a bear he has to skin it. I have an arsenal of tools for this purpose. Send my $70 and I’ll forward an exclusive brochure. I have mounted bear and lion heads all over my little dog house. Along with these is the bull elephant I shot in Kenya last winter and the polar bear I nailed with a #6 missile launcher in Siberia in June.
But no more free information. If you want to get out there where men are men call me on my 800 number and arrange a pack trip. Anyone can shoot a prairie dog or land a trout. It takes cajones to blast a bear.
July 2, 2016
Pot Growing – The Alaskan way
Photo by Jeff Brown
Do you have blue blood like out like our elected “leaders”?
photo by Jeff Brown in Juneau What?
Lawn Therapy Saves the Day
(Grassy Mojo, CO — June 29, 2016
Most of my friends think I’m a moron because I spend so much time working in my yard. They say I could be drinking or watching sports on TV. Some say I am even anal-retentive because I relish a lush, green field of grass and healthy trees.
My contention holds that this type of daytime activity is worth more than surface peeks might let on. It could very well be the most readily available therapy because it’s right outside the door. It could just be the most effective stress relief and a lucid meditative opportunity going.
Imagine the benefits garnished by watering a Russian olive tree and watching it perk up in the late afternoon sun. Try hauling leaves and branches to the dump for the ultimate cleansing. Look at your beautiful green lawn now. It certainly gives one a sense of natural order as well as the realization that he is only a small cog in this planetary mess we call civilization.
The trick is to get an early jump on your lawn before it gets a jump on you. I start every morning with riding mower calisthenics. Getting up before dawn is especially effective when fighting crabgrass and weeds. Always attack at dawn. I don’t recall who first said these immortal words but it doesn’t matter.
While some guys and gals are at the golf course or hanging their fat butts off a barstool I am up to mine in grass clippings. What a feeling! By mid-morning it’s time to move the sprinklers then a light lunch. After eating we move into the more technical aspects of our chore
Continued on Folly or Fertility, hiding in the cosmic turf wars
