Secret Service Loses Trump in bunker

“Red tie, small hands and round in the middle” is how the millions of leaflets and posters describe the now missing President of the United States as a dwindling crew of supporters pray for his safe return.

Two days ago a man fitting the description of Trump was reportedly attacked by elderly mob due to budget cuts near Union Square in Lower Manhattan. During the melee Donald Trump was irretrievably separated from the hordes of secret service personnel ordered to protect him.

“One minute he was behind us in the bunker and the next he was gone,” said one of Trump’s body guards.

Right now, according to the shocked security contingent the police don’t know anything either.

“We think he he escaped from the angry grandmothers, many armed with knitting needles and attack cats, but maybe not a mob of former supporters eager to get their hands on him.

One unreliable source allegedly watched him on foot toward the Trump Tower, where with last breath supporters managed to pull up the draw bridge and close the impenetrable gates. His close aids, having fled at the sight of blood, have been mute as to the developments.

Many secretly believe he fell down an unattended manhole but will resurface to take the reins of the gov’ment once more. They say they wuld look for him tomorrow since the White House budget slashed such benefits as sick days and overtime pay.

He’s just out playing golf,” said one Trump diehard. “He’ll be back.”

Meanwhile a massive Black Hole, feared to be the same one that engulfed House Speaker Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, sucked in Vice President Mike Pence, leaving a power void not seen since the last days of Richard M Nixon.

Phone calls made to an 800 number attributed to the Secret Service have not generated a response.