Reading comprehension #611:

The following is a short test of one’s ability to understand and analyze prose. READ THIS SEGMENT ONLY ONCE OR FACE DISQUALIFICATION AND FORFEIT ALL PRIZE MONEY!

A bear and a rabbit sat on a log deep in the forest. The bear felt a great bowel movement coming on but was out of toilet paper. He turned to the rabbit and asked, “Do you have problems with things sticking to your fur?”
The suspicious rabbit asked why and then scurried away leaving the bear to his own devices, which most likely would have been a bush or some bark. The angry bear muttered, “You just can’t count on those damn rabbits when you need them.”
a.) What did the bear mean by things?
b.) Are bears really all that concerned with personal hygiene?
c.) What happens if a bear, or other hibernating mammal has to poop in the middle of the winter?
d.) Do rabbits and bears actually converse?
e.) Would the bear had been better off just grabbing the rabbit, without all the chatter?
Send your answers to Hunting Editor, San Juan Horseshoe, Box 1209, Ouray, CO 81427. If we use your response on he website we’ll give you a free subscription to the Gladstone Enterprise a free T-shirt from Cahone and a free roll of toilet paper. No phone calls

“I’ve never been. Business is good.”
– Melvin Toole when asked if it wasn’t difficult to be funny these days

“A nation that oppresses another cannot itself be free.”
– unknown