Most Hermits Not Registered to Vote

(Powderhorn  —  You Can’t Find me Now Go Away Gazette  —  October 17, 2016)

The majority of hermits in this well-healed cowboy town remain unregistered to vote despite repeated visits by nosey people who believe in the electoral system.

Several of the hermits interviewed exhibited far-reaching knowledge on American political circus while others thought Dwight Eisenhower was still in the White House “somewhere high in the mountains over the rainbow and down by the deep blue sea.”

“These are men and women engaged in a spartan, almost monastic existence where they continue to practice a brand of sagebrush anarchy that has thrived here since the 1800s. It’s ascetic in one sense and austere in another,” said a neighbor lady who often brings them cookies and milk before bed.

“If these malcontents don’t vote, we don’t want to hear them bitchin’ in January,” said a longtime rancher and sometimes delegate to one convention or another. “It’s one thing to hide out and another to complain about it.”

Pollsters suggest that if all of the hermits in the United States voted we might elect a recluse as President for the first time since Millard Fillmore.

– Alfalfa Romero

“Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.”                                – Karl Kraus