Snoring Elk Relocated

(Galt’s Gulch — Bull Moose Gazette — August 20, 2016)

Several hundred elk have been removed from the southern confines of Edith Bunker National Forest near here. The animals will have a new home in Silverton.

Since last summer campers have complained that the elk’s chronic snoring has kept them up at night. Many have already broken camp and moved to more civilized spots up Jackass Flats and along Valentine’s Ridge at the Old Maid Mine.

“We sent special agents up into the contested region and they could not sleep either,” said Max Poltroon, of the DOW task force. This here’s Code Three. Some of these elk need to have their tonsils removed. It’s only a few of the bulls making all the racket.”

Poltroon said it was a shame that the entire herd had o be inconvenienced by a few bad apples. Other bothersome species might face deportation if it is determined that they are incompetent or in need of constant supervision.

“Running an outfit like the DOW is no walk the park,” he nodded.

– Simian Tilte