–FINAL ANNOUNCEMENT–

Saturday is the last day to take advantage of gratis pickup of old, tired opinions and decomposed superstitions. Residents and guests wishing to enjoy this free removal and same day deposit at the local landfill should simply store their trite convictions, frazzled sentiments and threadbare assumptions on the curb in the pretty blue baskets and not in dirty pails with the other garbage. Colorado residents are again reminded that they have until Thursday to comply with new regulations as to the indiscriminate burning of fossil fuels for personal use. Vehicles over 30 years old will no longer be eligible for free checkups due to cost cutting measures adopted by state agencies and Medicar, which lost federal funding in the face of the high cost of waging war in the Mideast. Thanks for your attention to this pressing matter – Testosterone Brothers Sanitation