Colona Schoolhouse Haunted?

County authorities confirmed that DNA collected in and around the Colona School strongly indicate the presence of “spirits from way long ago”. According to circuit rider parapsychologists, the institute of learning was built smack on top of a Neanderthal graveyard. The recent historic facade lifting, with its inherent banging, may have awakened the dead according to Dr. Charlotte Ziti, MSW, ZBT, LSMFT. “One cannot discount DNA,” said Ziti, who questioned local lore claiming that the town of Colona had been under a spell since the removal of the Utes after the Meeker Massacre. Now, as a result of these miraculous findings, all future candidates for public office must show a minimum of a middle school diploma and submit to genetic testing to ascertain what they might hope to accomplish during their potential tenure. Emergency workers on the scene report gathering over 400 wheelbarrows full of DNA on the first morning. “There’s a lot of it around and some of it is clearly not of the homo sapiens variety,” said one engineer on the project.