New Shipment of Dogs Expected

(Crested Butte) This month’s allotment of dogs is slated to arrive this afternoon from the National Humane Society in Washington DC. Although Colorado already leads the nation in canines per capita the demand for new breeds and age diversification remains high.

The animals will be air lifted into Colorado and dropped via parachute to prearranged locations all over the Western Slope. All potential pet owners have to do is pick up the dog of their choice. return paperwork, (attached to the prefab collar), to the gov’ment. Transfer taxes, filing fees, adoption papers, feeding schedules, reproduction considerations, lineage, obedience training, field manuals, college planning and anger management are the responsibility of the new master. All outstanding sums are due June 15.

“There is just no way that anyone should be without a dog,” said Elmo Barque, Executive Director of Doggie Drop, a non-profit group that seeks to place puppies in suitable homes. “Even the most irresponsible, spoiled mountain child should have a companion. We do really well with the drop onto the Western State campus in September. Everybody wants a cute puppy,” he explained, “for at least a week or two.”

Barque refused to comment when asked about a possible doggie pickup program slated to kick off in October.

“Dogs shouldn’t ride in the backs of pickups,” he shot. “It’s dangerous. Haven’t you ever watched that Major Hoolihan on TV?”

– Rocky Flats

Building permits, marriage licenses, Colorado residency documents, insurance cards, driving permits, Sociable Security cards, teeth pulled, gentle recycling, dog food on weekends. Mack the Hack