Unemployment drops to -3.5%

(Warshington  Dec 30, 2016) Good news hit the wires this morning as the latest federal statistics indicate the unemployment rate to be well below zero. Although no one in authority could explain this startling development most have taken credit for the improvement.

“Right now we have about a 3.5% edge when it comes to the employment picture,” said Senator Oral Noise (Unitarian-CA). “We don’t know what the future holds, but for right now things are certainly looking up.”

Economists remain cynical over methods used by the feds to determine this status.
“We think there are a lot of people out there holding down two, maybe three minimum wage positions,” said one financial expert. “Unfortunately that doesn’t mean they aren’t living on the street or in their cars.”

Members of Congress, away on Christmas recess, were quick to accept the credit for this shift. Many feel the statistics indicate that they are doing a good job on the domestic scene.

“It’s all quite clear to me that our policies are working,” added Noise. “It just goes to prove that millionaires can be responsive to the needs of the peasantry.”
Leading mathematicians, however, remain baffled as to how the government arrived at these numbers.

-Mel Toole