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TV Dinners Preserved in Idarado Tunnels

(Red Mountain) Skeleton crews monitoring activity underground have discovered a large cache of TV dinners stored far below the rocky surface here. Stashed in the mine’s miles of tunnels, the self-contained fare is believed to have been left their by retreating workers when the mine closed down in 1978.

     “Although not particularly astounding, the find indicates that TV dinners might survive for years even centuries in a controlled environment,” said Marcia Mollyore, head of Gentle Geology, a local firm. “Prior to this disclosure we thought Velveta cheese and Spam were the most sustainable substances yet invented. The importance herein is the alteration in thinking, the modification of philosophies on the classic shelf lives of what we consume.”

     Despite the discovery Mollyore confirmed that she would continue embracing a strict diet of chicken livers, red lettuce and diet soda in hopes of achieving immortality.

      “What may be important now is the glimpse of eating habits that this has afforded us. With a little luck we can put together another piece of the puzzle as to preferred foods of the 20th Century.”

     Mollyore went on to explain that geologists had grown to accept that miners carried pie cans filled with sandwiches and hardboiled eggs and drank black coffee. Mounds of carefully chronicled statistics on the subject will have to be destroyed she said so as to make room for new data.

     “Our thinking has been wrong…wrong…wrong!” explained a now visibly upset Mollyore. “How could we have been so stupid with the truth lurking at our fingertips, just below ground all this time!”

     Further snooping has begun to indicate that miners may have had primitive heating methodology as well as access to a wide selection of tools as well as random television reception in narrow shafts and doghouses way down below.

– Gabby Haze