All Entries Tagged With: "San Juan Mountains"
FOOD: Cross-dressing your bird for the holidays.
It’s that wonderful time of the year again and we’re on the cutting edge that runs its fickle jagged line between tailored lines, gender faux pas, blatant foppery and gaudy plumage.
Bright and cheery outfits are popular and trending for most birds, the descendants of those known cloths horses, the dinosaurs. However real designer accessories can be difficult to secure leaving one’s perfectly stuffed and roasted turkey feeling quite naked, even in the company of top-hatted mashed potatoes and tuxedoed yams.
We suggest lose-fitting cheesecloth, solid vegetable patterns, giblet blends, floor-length drumsticks and basting…lots of basting. The rest is just arm candy.
Always remember: Even an educated turkey cannot fly and many still prefer polyester. Issues involving the separation of dark meat from white meat, as well as the use of yoga pants with leftovers, remain not nice conversations at the holiday table.
It can be like pulling feathers to get them to dress up any other time of the year with the possible exception of the Fourth of July.
Across the bird world parrots, puffins, starlings, ravens, Peruvian condors, Blue Amazon flummery and other less appetizing breeds do not do well in the oven or in the fashion arena. Raptors and birds of prey are uncooperative. But they can be convinced to cross-dress if they think it will disguise their real motives.
Next time: Fruitcake Yurts for Lent.
-Beth Kampachi
Turkey Lottery Cruel?
(Montrose) The proposed Turkey Lottery, slated for Thanksgiving 2021, has played to mixed revues and reactions here and in other rural communities across the Colorado.
Saying that the birds already encounter enough stress this time of the year, one critic of the concept called the measure inhumane. Supporters of the bill insist that it will create a sense of justice and put a vast segment of the turkey population out of harm’s way, for now.
Here’s how it will work: The birds are assigned numbers based on birthdays and then draw for positions relative to the holidays. Lower numbers will designate the dinner table while higher numbers will earn a reprieve for the year.
“It’s as fair as anything else,” said Dag Katz, architect of the lottery. “This way the condemned might get their lives in order before late November. The saved can go on without fear of the swan song and a side of mashed potatoes and cranberries.”
Vegetarians were not consulted on this matter and plan to boycott the entire issue.
“What rubs my chops is that nobody has consulted the sweet potatoes or the yams,” said
continued Friday
Ponder, fodder, scowl…Elections and such.
Capsulated from “What you were Better Off Not Knowing” by Marta Chaco
Question: Where do rats go after leaving a sinking ship?”
Answer: After a period of self-medicating, many become lobbyists.
By 2021 most politicians will be well past safe use expiration dates, clearly marked on left ear tag. Throwing them out is the first baby step toward establishing strict term limitations. Other “leaders” passed cut-off limits but embraced the cessation of chemical impact agendas and continued to show up at the Capitol. Elected officials found to be conducting business after calendar rendezvous engagement (CRE) could forfeit lifelong pensions, state-of-the-art health care, diplomatic impunity, secret cervix protection and free caviar on Fridays.
Bottle Shoot Canned Due to Lethal Climate
The 3rd Annual Foggy Bottom Bottle Shoot has been cancelled due to Corona virus, at least that’s the official announcement, according to sources under the dome.
Others insist that open hostility between Democrats and Republicans in the House, where many of the members are armed, will lead to violence.
Proponents of gun freedoms think that it’s OK to shoot adversaries while gun control advocates might make an acceptation to otherwise peaceful philosophies and pull the trigger.
DO YOU THINK THIS IS PART-ISAN OF THE PROBLEM?
2000 George W. Bush Reverses Clinton Guidelines
2008 Obama Terminates Bush decrees
2016 – Trump Abolishes Obama policies
2020 Biden Overturns Trump Executive Orders
2024?
“IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN.” -Kermit the Frog
Jome Sick For Jardin
That’s JOME sick for Jardin and missing the daily walk into town along the river, across the bridge and into the village. Here’s to a return in late 2021.
Were Adam and Eve Really Naked?
Inspiration with Rev. Phil Pharisee
“These things are so because I say they are so.” – St. Roscoe of Orange
The question is often asked: Were Adam and Eve really naked in the Garden of Eden? Were they unclothed when the serpent arrived? According to the recently revamped Rich Man’s Bible, especially written for the wealthy among our congregation “nudity was not acceptable even though Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs”. Certainly the two first humans were not naked like the apes but were rather clothed in the vestments of the guiding light. When the serpent showed up it was Eve who took the apple all right but she did it in a tasteful, and demure, picnic dress. Later when Adam joined the show he ate his half of the apple fully covered in a formal waistcoat and spats, just like the ones worn on Sundays by Brother Phil here.
Persons who disagree with this prognosis are guilty of the grave sin of pride and will surely burn in hell. The only way to prevent this eternal damnation is to give now. Give big. Purge yourself by ridding your life of valuables and other false gods. You can keep the hard currency in our church safe over at the strip mall.
When we meet on that Golden Shore all of this will become clear. Right now we must persevere in that the secular element out there is attempting to separate church and state at the hip. And always, always remember as Dr Zeus said: Red State, blue state, new state, pew state…People in the blue states are atheistic Commies who don’t belong in our America, the America under God, who talks directly to You Know Who every night before bed.
Well, I hope I’ve cleared up the confusion. Keep the faith by joining me in today’s mantra: Creationists are proof that there is no evolution going on. Creationists are proof that there…”
Fresh free-range, organic goat eggs. Still in the shell. Seasonal booty only. First come-first served. No realtors. Gates open at 5 am. 38592368945275 Road. Honk. I got mean dogs. Market Price.
