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Reporter Gored in Collision with Bulls

(Pamplona, Spain) American news jockey, Melvin Toole, who was slightly injured during the annual San Fermin running of the bulls April 15, was released from a Madrid hospital this morning. Toole, who along with his trusty dingo Marlboro, was trampled by at least six bulls as he reportedly became disoriented and ran the wrong way during the event. Onlookers say he then panicked, attempted to stare down the rampaging herd and was flattened like a Colombian arepa. 

   “A person just can’t run against the grain all the time and expect to survive,” said Toole who admitted that he participated in the festival so as to become more like Ernest Hemingway. “I just thank my lucky stars that Marlboro has recovered.”

     The Scribe/daredevil received a barrage of media attention just last month as he scaled three New York banks, wearing only a sun bonnet, giant suction cups and discount yoga pants . These dangerous feats were part of a general protest against interest rates and just hours later leaped from a soaring crop duster to bring attention to the plight of farmers in the wake of mindless Trump nincompoops. 

     “This is the most serious injury I’ve suffered in more than 20 years of performing these kinds of stunts,” said Toole. “It kind of reminds me of the time I got my tongue caught in a state highway road painter in 1967 while demonstrating against federally imposed speed limits.”

-Rocky Flats