All Entries Tagged With: "Ouray"
In the woods near Manizales
Eco Hotel La Juanita sits on a forested slope a short cab or bus ride from restaurants and the urban life in Manizales, Colombia. Incredible views, spa, pool, horses. Nice neighborhood for walking around. Rocio Ortiz and Laura Soto welcome you.
TV Hospitals Offer Discount Surgery
(Hollywood, CA – Prime Medical Journal – April 12, 2016)
Television hospitals will now offer discount surgical procedures and recovery therapy at a lower cost according to the producers of such popular programs as ER, Mercy and Chicago Hope.
Long-subsidized by the AMA these programs often blur the line between fantasy and reality, prompting the witticism “I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on television.”
“We’ve been on the air so long that most of our characters have died or should have by now,” said Rosy Sinbad, who plays the notorious Wella Setter, a pill-popping social worker at a big city hospital. “Our program takes a candid peak into the lives of doctors, nurses, patients, ambulance drivers and candy stripers as well as friends, family, lovers and adversaries of same,” said Sinbad.
“And we don’t take Wednesday afternoons off to play golf either,” she went on. “We’re in makeup then multiple takes, then prop changes, then studying lines, then personal appearances.”
Sinbad flinched then gulped when asked if they still made house calls.
Television medicine people say they can perform most surgeries for about one third the going rate. They generally have gaps during the workday so as to accommodate other working people. Most of the cutting occurs on camera and thus protects everyone from malpractice suits. The cost is usually the cheapest one will find unless he leave the country to seek medical help. That, the AMA reminds us, could be dangerous since the medicine used outside the United States is “…not as good”, adding that “You’re likely to be killed by terrorists.”
“Most viewers in the advanced stages of television dependency think the actor doctors are real, so what’s the difference?” asked a proponent of what he calls “reaching out through the television set.”
The response so far has been nothing short of phenomenal. Patients can cut out the fat of recuperative cost by recovering right here on the set. Most end up with bit parts on actual TV shows and a rare few become stars.
It was not clear if such medical resources as General Hospital, Marcus Welby, Ben Casey and that horny little Doogie House would be eligible for a seat at the trough. The group plans legal action that has quickly morphed into a further television program called National Health Insurance where nations skim a slice of fat off the military meat pole to pay for its citizens’ well being.
Already critics say the plan will never work because it is too European for American audiences.
– Fred Zeppelin
Spiders Gain Three Seats
(Weblander, Desertahara — Arachnid Follies — April 11, 2016)
Western Slope spiders have gained three seats in the Colorado House and may be pushing for a pro-spider senator according to reports crawling and scampering into this cultural center. According to the 2010 Census the state spider population has skyrocketed (23% growth) earning the Arana Party a dramatic increase in representation.
Whispered conversations overheard in dark cellars and crawl spaces all over the Rockies suggests that the eight-legged beasts may be planning to run a populist candidate for the White House in 2016. Spiders have for centuries suffered from a severe public relations problem: Humans tend to squash them whenever they enter homes of places of business.
The arachnids hope that their higher visibility in the capital will present their plight in a better light and press for full autonomy. Attempts to ally themselves with insect splinter groups have failed miserably due to spider arrogance and the dance of the current food chain.
“In closing, we would like to remind allies and potential allies that we are not insects,” said one organizer.
-Boogey Tuesday
Postcard Surcharges Anger Visitors
Crested Butte, CO Money Talks, Nobody Walks April 8, 2016
A five-cent surcharge imposed on postal cards by the state of Colorado has irritated tourists here but doesn’t appear to be going away. The gov’ment hopes to raise funds to repair crumbling infrastructure and build employee housing.
Postcards mailed out of state will require an official Colorado Exit Stamp or end up in the dead letter file in the capital.
“Most people trust the mail and would never guess their glossy messages might not reach their destinations,” said a proponent of the charges. “We are still waiting for federal response to this and hope for national support.
“Everyone is trying to screw everyone else in the market place,” he continued.
“We’re just jumping on board. Next year we expect to tap in to the lucrative Tweet population or maybe even raise barking fees on Elk Avenue.
– Marlena Marvelou
PELO DE PERRO EVITA LA PUBLICACIÓN
(Manana, CO – Mirando hacia atrás a 1985 – 7 de abril, 2016
Una abundancia repentina y alarmante de pelo de perro se ha culpado por la ausencia de la popular San Juan de herradura de las noticias bastidores proletariado mes pasado.
El pelo canino, con un peso de poco menos de 112 libras, se dice que ha obstruido todo, desde máquinas de escribir a sacapuntas a las impresoras de fax. Las hebras de mamíferos, incluso invadieron el cuadro de clip de papel (el alma de este y cualquier otro newssheet que se precie.).
Comparando el desastre de mohair en uno de los editores de martini prometió que algún día pronto el papel sería en línea y ya no está sujeto a la tinta, el agua, máquinas de impresión cascarrabias y sí, por el pelo. Mientras tanto, en los filtros de cuarto oscuro se rompió en el caos dejando pies de pelo de perro en un área construida de pulgadas. La situación en el sala de composición era mucho peor.
Al principio el editor prohibió todos los perros de las oficinas de prensa de los días sólo para darse cuenta que si los empleados no podían llevar a sus perros al trabajo que les salga.
“Entonces yo estaría poniendo el tema por mí mismo”, dijo Belle Toole, Bajo Editor.
De acuerdo con una nota de fecha los únicos animales permitidos en las oficinas editoriales son ranas, marmotas de piel lisa, tortugas, peces tropicales y ovejas en miniatura.
“Este es el enfoque tradicional de la intrusión”, dijo Toole.
Mientras tanto, el sindicato de empleados está considerando opciones y la mayoría de los trabajadores están manteniendo a sí mismos calcetines ocupados perro tejer del pelo para los anunciantes.
– Alfalfa Romero
Local Map Maker Realigns Planet
(Ridgway, CO Fun With Geography April 6, 2016)
Little Elkview Wannamaker has succeeded in changing the world, at least on paper. The spunky 2-year-old, a prodigy cartographer, decided that for fun he would connect South America and China by an extended land mass borrowed from Canada and running through the Tropic of Cancer.
When he had finished placing every tiny Pacific island in place even Amerigo Vespucci wouldn’t have recognize the place.
According to the Society For the Preservation of Superstitions and the Brotherhood of Physical Geographers this exercise proves that the world is flat.
“This is complete nonsense,” said a spokesman for the latter organization. “Some little kid with a crayon cannot change the position of countries, much less entire continents.”
Meanwhile trade is brisk with Colombia and Peru benefitting from the wide-open coffee market in China, while former ports, Shanghai and Hong Kong saw record exports of manufactured goods to South America.
“What had to be shipped across an ocean can now be delivered right to the door of the consumer,” said Zxing Taosace, of Communist China’s Capitalist Yangtze Press.
“The money saved on these transactions will be used to build a footbridge across segments unsafe for negotiation.”
Chain store addicts in the United States are angry that they have been left out of the lucrative shopping opportunities but many could not locate the continents involved on their cell phones.
– H.L. Menocken
