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ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT MISSING FUNDS
(Gunnison) The general accounting department at Western State University cannot account for more than $1.4 million dollars collected from a Ribidoux Hall bake sale held back in May.
“This is embarrassing,” said one faculty advisor. “What kind of an example are we setting for these kids. I’m sure it’s just an oversight but nobody needs publicity like this especially during an election year.”
According to administration source the money turned up missing after a dinner honoring 119-year-old alumnus Ernest Walpole, credited with designing the first recreational vehicle. In North America.
It is surmised that the funds were somehow switched with the $23 collected at the honorarium.
“All those cigar boxes look alike,” said one clerk who wished to remain unnamed. “How can we watch every penny?”
The district attorney is looking into charges that the funds were lost in a poker game with the Adams State debate team over Memorial Day Weekend.
Meanwhile students are expected to reject a referendum that would allow Taco Bell and Sonic Burger 24-hour access to the national historic, turn-of-the-century chemistry lab. In a hotly contested campaign the fast food franchises had offered gold passes to prospective supporters. Hopped-up thugs continue to roam the campus this morning looking to prevent a high voter turnout.
– Rocky Flats