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Is the Missing Link Really Coming to Colona?

As of late August the Missing Link is slated to to speak at The International Wheelwright Convention to be held in this chic, flashpoint town. He is replacing recognized hero of the Enlightenment, Jean-Jacques Rousseau who passed away in 1778.

“We had Alexander Pope on the docket but he couldn’t commit. (He passed in 1744),” said Jim Bob Hobbes, (brother of philosopher Thomas Hobbes (who dropped dead in 1679 ) royal ringmaster of this year’s gathering.

“This is big,”said one Colona longshoreman, “bigger than the Swift-Kelsey wedding, more profound than the Martian shot, better than free lunch. It’s on par with virgin appearances and the mega snowstorms of yesteryear.”

Showing the wear of his 117 years, the Link has survived almost magically on his charm and a bit of trickery common to time travelers. Throw in a fistful of translucence and he has outwitted police as well as many of his supporters who are pestering him to retire to the antique olive presses down on his farm in Pea Green.

In short, he has bedazzled the authorities by clever shape changing and holding his breath underwater for hours. Most of his frustrated pursuers say the slippery bastard is wanted only for questioning but that could easily be defined as confinement and countless medical appraisals.

As of this morning the Missing Link is still missing, at least as detractors tell it. In the past he has avoided genetic showboating, fading into the background, unassuming yet witty. His ability to rub elbows with everyday amoeba and fairy flies and to converse with your average bush elephant only adds to his fame. His dialogues with Java Man are still considered classics by the surviving scientific community here and on Log Hill Mesa.

The last time the Link visited Colona was in 1956 when, sadly, he was run off by Piltdown sheep herders on Simms Mesa. His only crime was that of overtipping. In spite of that violent incident he refuses body guards and scoffs at rolling up the bullet-proof windshield on his patented 1936 Henway coup. Interestingly enough, after eluding the wooly predators he lost his balance executing an en dedans pirouette and spent a month on-the-mend at the prestigious Gladstone Sanitarium, under the protection of the Knights of Temperance.

Meanwhile MICE agents, anxious to deport the Missing Link, have been seen loitering around the town, highly conspicuous despite their bullying posture and clumsy efforts to blend into the small town’s goings on.

-Gabby Haze

“And now, if life isn’t rigid and stressed enough on its own, I have committed to play 18 in Montrose tomorrow.”

-Melvin Bedwetter Toole, an alleged journalist who now goes to bed at 7:30 pm, 8 on weekends.