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Panty Hose Great Found Strangled

The aknowledged inventor of pantyhose, 95-year-old Melvin Toole, found strangled in an unidentified library restroom this morning.

A final investigation was put to rest today after yielding little on the violent episode. Authorities admit that they have not determined if the matter as a homicide, a suicide, a hate crime or even an accident.

“More accidents happen in the bathrooms than in any other part of the house,” squibbed a visibly shaken librarian. “Toole was no spring chicken either.”

“He was in there for quite some time but, you know, but I was reluctant to knock, what with privacy laws and all,” gasped an attending staff member.

– Tommy Middlefinger