All Entries Tagged With: "Hell closes doors to immigrants"
Hell Closing Doors
(Way Down There) Principal partners here have announced the closure of this 6000-year-old facility despite a hot customer base and predestined plans for expansion in the coming years. In a crisp statement, burned on the edges, the controlling factions in Hell say they have been running at a loss since many people stopped believing in such a concept back in the Sixties.
Where the poor souls, many linked to terrorism, will be located is anyone’s guess. Suggestions that they join relocated Guantanamo Bay detention camp inmates on Dick Cheney’s Wyoming Ranch was not taken seriously and could not be confirmed as of this afternoon.
The Gitmo prisoners were recently moved to the sprawling oilman’s land where they will be hunted this fall, despite the terms of the Geneva Convention, by the former vice-president and (hopefully) out of work GOP politicians.
Former GOP Congressman, Liz Cheney, who has come out in support of the Harris – Walz ticket, has gone to great lengths to distance herself from the resettlement.
“I already moved from Upton to Fort Bridger and I might end up in Utah or Idaho, if it’s not too liberal.” she joked.
Experts in industrial societies contend that these recent developments are not helping anyone. The arrival of more desperate souls is certain to fan the flames linked to the world refugee crisis, they say, “where a growing number of immigrants travel the globe looking for a place just to lie down”.
To further exacerbate immigration woes. Federal humanitarian aid in the form of folding money is no longer available as it was spun into hay when the gold standard disappeared one beautiful summer day long ago.
“The problem isn’t a dwindling customer base,” said one demon, “but rather the cost of doing business and the competition up there on earth. Global warming hasn’t helped either.
“The cynics be damned!” he continued. “Denial holds little water with the 500 fallen angels who are now pounding the pavement looking for work. I’ll tell you… the place is no fabrication I’ve been going to work there since the days of Saddam and Glocamora.”
The helpful demon went on to explain the difference between an angle and an arch-angel, a group to which he claims to belong.
“I’m not just an angel, I’m a fecking arch-angel,” he pushed, drifting into a definitive West Cork brogue.
In a related piece, longtime Allie of Hades, the Mafia has announced more lay-offs due to what it calls a soft economy. Many of those dismissed hope to start small businesses of their own or be absorbed by the government.
– Ripple van Winkle
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
– Robert Heinlein
