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Jesus, Mohammed To Meet in Gaza

(Hebron, Occupied West Bank) The long awaited summit between Jesus Christ and Mohammed (no last name available) appears to be on track. Preliminary negotiations are set for mid-July with a formal eight-nation summit slated for early February.

     Focusing on the continuing Gaza conflict, the meetings will be characterized by heightened security, international fanfare and perhaps even a glimmer of hope. Already pilgrims from both sides of the doctrinal fence have been gathering throughout the world to ask for direction and to hammer out final plans. As one might expect, navigation through the endless differences of opinion has been tainted with arguments, and in some case, violence.

     Sources in both the Israeli and Palestinian camps say they hope to control their multitudes so as to proceed with these earth-shattering matters.

    “We hope that the faithful on both sides don’t get carried away with religious fervor and wreck this one opportunity for peace,” said a source in Jerusalem. “If we can keep the talks simple and limit the negative influence on the two leaders we may actually accomplish something by the fall.”

     Both Jesus and Mohammed have agreed publicly they would like to see the opposing sides come to some agreement that might end the century-long stand-off between land-grabbing Zionists and radical Muslims.

     According to inside sources the two religious icons will arrive in Jerusalem so as to prepare for what promises to be a hectic schedule.

     “Breaking bread is no easy matter when we have two super-prophets at the same table,” continued the source. “Both are used to being the center of attention with respect to their connection with The Man Upstairs. Fortunately they do agree that it’s the same all-knowing spirit.”

     It was still not clear whether each leader would bring along an entourage of disciples or go it alone.

     “We firmly believe that if we can create a scenario where both icons are relaxed and isolated from their followers we can accomplish great things. Here, once again we have two great prophets who agree on the basics but due to centuries of human interpretation have come to be perceived as opposites,” continued the source. “This is no ecclesiastical weight-in and we don’t expect stare-downs or stand-offs.”

     Yesterday Islamic fundamentalists in Cairo and in the city of Bugaboo, in central Iran, set cars on fire and pelted authorities with dirt balls chanting “Sod is Great!” while explosions could be heard from Mecca to Medina. Simultaneously Christian clerics have called for demonstrations in support of their cause with Saturday night book burnings, evangelical fish fries and a armed candlelight march on neighborhood mosques.

     “It’s the fundamentalists on both sides that are to blame for the problem,” our source said. “They both want the power. They both want control. None of it has to do with the daily status  of their flocks. It’s all based on fear of the unknown and a desire to appear righteous in the face of us and them philosophies. What we need now, as forever, is a little tolerance,” he offered.

     Nations participating in the historical summit, hosted by Jordan, include Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Indonesia, Libya, Germany, France, Britain and the United States. It is still not clear whether Israel or the Palestinians would be seated.

     Conflicts as to the present site of the meetings were defused Friday with the announcement that decorum and general protocol would follow Christian scripture and that a follow-up parley would be held at a locale deep in Bible Belt, USA. In addition the two sides agreed that the event would be catered by Rasputin’s Kosher-Khaleeji Deli with outlets in Brooklyn and Queens.

     Meanwhile the rock concert atmosphere builds as United Nations security forces begin constructing bunkers, trenches and other checkpoints in an attempt to keep the faithful on both sides from killing each other. An announcement yesterday that the worshipped icons would appear in business suits, rather than traditional robes, created quite a stir among the more orthodox on both sides and as far away as the garment district in Hong Kong.

     Attempts to contact the Creator by phone last evening proved unproductive as He was reportedly either in a meeting and could not be disturbed or had gone on an extended fishing trip.

– Kashmir Horseshoe