POACHING RAMPANT IN SENIOR SET

(Montrose) Incidents of poaching have reached epidemic proportions here according to behavioral scientists at the world renowned Pea Green Academy. Researchers expect matters to get even worse with the arrival of cold weather to the Rockies.
“One only has to look at the daily supplies in our grocery stores to realize that something is wrong,” winced one scientist who prefers his eggs cooked over-easy with a side of home fries. “These perpetrators think they have a right to poach at will. Most of the hard-boiled element won’t even consider legal channels such as the scrambled version or the more organic raw egg, right out of the shell.”
Local henboys agree that a few bad eggs often spoil it for everyone else but add that as long as the guilty get off with “just a slap on the hand” the problem will continue to grow. They alluded to a group of indicted poachers strutting around their cells like Bantam Roosters just prior to a preliminary hearing on Wednesday.
“One has to consider the fact that the older poachers cannot chew that well and the poached version makes for a far more pleasant morning meal,” said citizen’s advocate Henrietta Perdue of the National Association for the Advancement of Chickens and Poultry (NAACP). “If one really wants to get to the root of the problem he must look beyond the feathers. It’s all supply and demand! Don’t chastise the chicken farmers. The problem lies within the infrastructure here in our cities and towns.”
Perdue claims that if seniors did not desire poached eggs there would be no profit in chicken ranching and this contraband would disappear from circulation in a matter of months. An ardent follower of Pol Pot, Perdue’s other solution is to force all the seniors, as well as the chickens, from the cities out into the rural parts of the country for reeducation.
-Rocky Flats