All Entries Tagged With: "classified as such"
Sedimentary Soup
For more realistic metamorphic and igneous recipes
please go to The Moody Foody on Cloud six
Tired of being cooped up on flights? Twenty-five percent more egg room on Rhode Island Red-Eye. The airlines preferred by poultry from Pawtucket to Palm Springs. Our new web page is ducky too!
Do your dentures slip, whistle or click when you talk? New dental dance troupe seeks performers, input, patrons. Bicuspids and molars afternoons only. Amnesty cavities forming soon. Dance your way to good dental hygiene. Marv’s Showboat, Olathe. No Irish.
Organic pumpkins just in time for Rockies’ season opener. Buy crate and receive free turkeys in lieu of World Series tickets in October. Mona, 592201887456 Road. Pea Green Horizons 2. Honk or yell. We got real mean dogs.
NOW LEGAL AGAIN: Lynx/Cougar Bothers Extermination and Interior Decorating. We specialize on large rodents and bad lighting concepts. John Walsh, Go’ment Springs. Certified, bonded, sagebrush compatible.
Football practice not football rehearsal
Learn to speak Canadian like a native. Weekly Classes now forming
Did anyone passing the residence of one Q. Juris Prudence on June 10, 2024 notice anything peculiar about the rose bushes? the bird bath? the septic? Officer A. Ward, New World Security Systems Analysis Code Zero: Protecting us from each other since 2011.
Sourpuss seeks Sugar Daddy for weekend interaction through Labor Day. Even angry people get lonely. I am old and quite wealthy. Vinegar Mary, Powderhorn.
Innovative Trail Shoe waters, aerates, spreads seed and just the right touch of fertilizer. Repair you divets before they reapir you! Sports and Shit, Mañana.
Local brothels” It’s high time you steppd up and did your part for affordable housing. (March 21, 2026)
Crabby old fart with unclear motives and even more mysterious attributes seeks executive position as night watchman or political appointee. M Toole, Colona Vapor Works.
Earn your undergraduate degree in Land Management while you keep your present job! Night classes now forming. Office of Economic Stimulation. Turn right at sage brush.
Are you attractive? Do you dress right? Are you a Go-Getter? Learn to be a famous game show host by enrolling in the Famous Game Show Host School! Total emersion. Total transformation. No violence. Of our over 4000 recent graduates 70% are now employed as television game show hosts! Why hang around at a low-end position with no future when the demand for game show hosts exceeds expectations. Recognized by the Security and Exchange Commission in Washington DC. Cash only. Next to Media Coiffures on your TV dial.
Esmerelda’s Brooms, Brushes and Dusters is now Esmerelda’s Brushes, Brooms and Dusters. Genies in a bottle, Pandora’s Lox on Thursdays if I remember. My friends call me Esmerelda.
For immediate adoption: Three-week old Artisan Mountain Cognac. This deep blend of juniper, sagebrush, wildflowers and hops outpaces other shrill liquids of faint distillation, and lesser alcoholic content. Dark in nature yet light to the touch, our mountain cognac cannot be found in stores. As Grandpa used to say: We pay no tax and neither shall our clientele. By the handy pocket pint or the hillbilly quart. Wholesale agents wanted (Please use goat-porch entrance). White Whiskey tasting room adjacent. 664499339988 Road. Honk first. We got real mean dogs.
Learn the ancient art of pick-pocketing. Successful candidates make up to $1000 in a good morning. Alternative Energy Ventures, Wimpton.
Imagine a country not hobbled by the loud, the frightened and the stupid. – a friend
Mabel: We have sensitive photos of you and your cell phone. Compromising scenes, some at half-mast. Leave $500 in small bills in Silverton-Durango Train car 399 on July 4th or we will go public with photos.
July 24 is the deadline to receive 2025 tax credit for uncut firewood. Call the Department of the Interior.
Win gasoline for life by riding your bicycle to work! Dial 5 or go to Helen Waite.
We need about 2000 strong men to help pull up the asphalt and concrete in Western Colorado and replant the land in hemp and voodoo vines capable of producing table wine for the spice markets of the Far East. Apply in person ready to work: Stimulus Camp 32, Trail of Tears Mesa. Ski in—Ski-out.
DUI Insurance over the phone. No credit checks. No medical exams. Cheaper than the ringer. Avoid the horrors of sobriety on the open highway. No calls accepted from incarceration tanks. Red Light in Your Window Inc.
Alamo Sky Diving Team: You must sign up with the bartender before making further jumps. Failure to do so could result in shortage of parachutes and miscalculation of vertical liquid vertigo. You’ve trusted us up to now. Sign up today. P.S.: Will buy old airplanes. parts, maps. Contact bartender as well.
Head hunters seek corporate bonus babies for firing squad practice. Bonus paid daily. Over Achievers Clubs.
Due to road work and the price of sugar beets the Heeny Tick Festival will once again not take place in July for the 17th year in progression. Interested participants should find something else to do for that weekend. This is a juried event. Gate crashers and squatters will be smashed and splattered.
Close-up photos of Dick Cheney’s forehead. 3 for $1. Rare treasure. Testosterone Brothers, Cow Creek/Paris/Baghdad.
Myrna: When I asked you to marry me I didn’t mean on a weekend when the fish are biting. In July I have to cut firewood. In August I’ll be busy moving livestock and in September I got my traps to check. How about in October unless the Rockies get into the play-offs again? Let’s get together on this. Jingles.
Free Kittens with the purchase of any late model appliance through September. Vegetarian friendly. Testosterone Brothers, Mañana Overlook. No Irish.
Will the party who keeps leaving me cold six-packs on my back porch please start leaving 12-packs. I got me a gal. Dirty Earl, Sapinero Podiatrists Co-op.
Beginning July 31 special police extras will apprehend suspected enemies of the state for deployment in summer reeducation camps all across this great land. If you are an enemy of the state please be packed and ready to go by July 5 so as not to hold up other enemies of the state. If you do not know if you are an enemy of the state please pick up an application form at your nearest law enforcement cartel.
It is idiomatically impossible for any person or persons currently serving in the Trump Administration to be SS war criminals hiding in Argentina because none speaks Spanish. Glotzer is not a German name either.
How many more terrific peace deals Donald?…Gaza/Congo/Ukraine/Thai-Cambodia? If you want the Nobel Peace Prize so bad why not simply buy one?
cheval-de-frise (SHəˌvaldəˈfrēz |noun) 1 a portable obstacle, consisting of a wooden frame covered with spikes or barbed wire, used by the military to close off a passage or block enemy advancement. 2 shards of glass or spikes set into masonry along the top of a wall. No pasaran!
Apology: We posted “And the righteous spoke in thongs.” when it should have read tongues. We are sorry for any inconvenience and mental stress caused for the reverand and his flock. Rev Phil Pharisee, Doctor of Divinity, charlatan, failed fumigator and unsuccessful candidate for the US House of Representatives.
