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Rockies Relocate Bull Pen to Western Slope

Mooove seen as foolhardy, reckless by league bosses

(Gunnison) The Colorado Rockies, beside themselves with the performance of the relief pitching thus far this season, have decided on the risky, yet seemingly logical relocation of their bull pen to Gunnison.

     Desperate for a solution to late inning collapses, blown saves and generally poor play the team announced the changes this morning.

     “We plan to bring our entire relief staff to Gunnison to be closer to the cows…and since there are so many distractions in Denver,” said High Hurdle, Director of Player Motivation. “We hope that the bull pen will thrive in a more agricultural environment. There are more cows there per capita and since the baseball program at Western State college was terminated back in the 80s, there we can always get a field for practices.

     Heavy hitters in Gunnison and the surrounding area are invited to participate in the last ditch attempt to save the season.

     “Come out and face our best relief pitchers and you could win a turkey or maybe even a car,” said Hurdle. “Helmets will be provided, just bring your own spikes.”

     The search for competent relief staff will reportedly continue through August at which time the team will officially give up until next year.

     “Hypnotism hasn’t worked, bonuses haven’t worked,” said Hurdle. “Maybe a few months commuting to the mound from Gunnison will do the trick. A little fresh air can do amazing things.”

     Sources within the bovine sector in Gunnison had no comment on the matter at press time.

– Zorro DesPlants