All Entries Tagged With: "adoption of Mountain Gorillas"
Horseshoe to sponsor Rwandan mountain gorillas
(Kigali) An American publishing concern, the San Juan Horseshoe, has agreed to provide funding for the migration of some 80 mountain gorillas to the United States. The animals, long-time residents of the endangered list, have become threatened due to the continuing conflicts there between rival tribes, the Hutus and Tutsis.
Although generally residing in the northern, more remote areas of the country the gorillas have been the victims of poaching as well as stray bullets for the last six months. Outsiders, who have been attempting to protect the animals have also become the target of both the desperate rebel faction and the blood-thirsty government militias.
“These gorillas should be considered a national treasure in a country that has become morally bankrupt,” said news honcho, General Kashmir Horseshoe, from his temporary offices in Bukavu, Zaire. “It’s bad enough that these people insist on killing each other at such an impressive rate, but did they have to drag everyone else into their squabble as well? The gorillas are totally apolitical and got along just as well with the French Colonials as they do with the native tribes.”
Speaking of the French, another contingent of troops arrived yesterday in an attempt to protect this city from advancing rebels. All the while, during the slow advance, government militias have murdered refugees by the thousands and created a reign of terror throughout the countryside.
“We can’t really say much, due to the sensitive nature of the current diplomacy,” said Horseshoe. “I haven’t observed the fighting myself but from the number of displaced persons I have seen at the border I wouldn’t recommend Rwanda as a summer vacation destination. I knew a girl named Rwanda in high school, I think that was her name. She was a bit wild, too, but a real lamb compared to these folks.”
The gorillas are being lodged in a downtown hotel until an airlift can be arranged. They are accompanied by a host of French and American biologists and several Swiss veterinarians. There have been no complaints regarding the immediate accommodations, although the room service bill grows higher every day.
“Once we get these animals back to the states the saga will take a turn for the better,” said Horseshoe. “We intend to put them to work writing, selling advertising and as collection agents. This is no charity case here,” he continued.
“Once they get their typing skills back up, we’ll have an incredible pool of secretarial workers, too, and maybe we can get things organized for once. Other ethnic and political groups have managed to assimilate and so will these gorillas who, with the blessing of the Colorado Division of Wildlife, will be housed in the San Juan Mountains along with other new arrivals, the moose, the Grizzly Bear and the Timber Wolf. I hope they all get along as it hasn’t been an easy decade for anyone.”
-Melvin Bedwetter Toole
