Senator Backpedals on Tattoo Cure

(Washington) Senator Paula Parvenu is in full denial this morning after seemingly compromising herself over claims that tattoos could cure Coronavirus-19.

“I never said that, said Parenu. It’s fake news.”

Clinging to her renunciation even after her original statement was blasted all over the media just two days ago, the senator said the TV footage and taped recordings were the work of anarchists who hate America.”

“How could tattoos heal anything?” she smiled. “I don’t have a one and I am healthy.”

On Saturday the US Department of Health dismissed claims that tattoos might be effective in combating some viruses as idle chatter with no bearing on reality. Leading tattooists concur, adding that the younger age of the average tattoo enthusiast is definitely in their favor.

Many within Parvenu’s constituency are familiar with brain gas and intellect explosions common to her shaky tenure. They see the current bedlam as just another hoax like the GOP tax cuts and Donald Trump’s spiritual commitment.

-Fred Zeppelin