Secretary of Navy Blamed for Trump Parade Fiasco

Trump Dunk Claims Five Sunken Craft on Lake Travis

(Austin, TX) It is now old news that a nautical parade of boats on Lake Travis near here failed to hold water Saturday. The flotilla, in support of Donald Trump’s reelection, saw five boats sink according to the Travis County Sheriff’s Department.

The loss of the vessels is only the latest in a rough week for the orange golfing president who has yet to confirm a likely shakeup over the incident. Inside sources at the White House told POX News that the president might replace Kenneth J Braithwaite, the recently appointed Secretary of the Navy.

“He is looking for someone to take the heat and divert attention from his ridiculous supporters,” said a Texas congressman who is not overweight and does not have orange hair. “Whether he’ll make a scene so close to the election is not clear.”

Rumors suggest that Trump would replace the current secretary with Jared Kushner or another cold-blooded, warm body until the dust settles.

Detractors laughingly suggested that global warming affected the weather conditions said to be quite calm at the beginning of yet another clown act by the Trump base.

“Maybe God did it,” said another rescue worker. “It could be that he doesn’t like these kinds of humans. Can higher powers see through the idiocy? At least 45 didn’t blame Barrack Obama for the mishap, as has often been the pattern.”

One of the rescued vessels sat for two days at the bottom of the lake. “It’s US and Trump flags still waved underwater” according to the local newspaper.

“Weather conditions on Lake Travis were calm. When a large number of boats began moving together, the wakes generated large waves in areas where participating boats were dense,” the sheriff’s office said.

“They got caught up in wake-generated waves in excess of what their boats could handle,” said TCSO

The status of the current Secretary of the Navy, or quite possibly his replacement, was not known at press time.

-Gabby Haze