Rose Hall Bid Hacked by Russians

(Cooperstown)  The continued exclusion of Pete Rose from the Baseball Hall of Fame is the result of intrusions by Russian robots that don’t know right field from the batting cage.

Supporters of Rose, arguably the best player ever to play the game, insist that there must be an evil, alien force behind the dirt that comes up on Rose every time there is another examination of his worthiness. The purposeful interference in baseball supersedes the alleged Russian collusion within the Trump Administration since baseball is hallowed and American politics are lewd and indecent.

“How else could the committee continue to blackball Rose?” asked a fan from across the river at Covington. “We’re not looking for him to get in the hall for his broadcasting talent or his personal charm but only as Charley Hustle.”

Purists insist that the Cincinnati Reds had nothing to do with the past snubs and that the similarity of names is coincidental.

“We were the Reds in 1869,” said one Rose aficionado. “Karl Marx didn’t make it to the big leagues until 1867 and Lenin failed to make an impact until 1905. Neither could hit the curve ball but did quite well in other arenas.”

– Tar Sands