ROGUE ELK HIGH ON VIAGRA

(Norwood) Ranchers here report that thug elk herds have broken into their Viagra stacks, consuming massive quantities of the stuff prior to rutting season. Local Hunters are warned that as many as 500 bull elk may have been exposed to the virility drug.

The affected stacks, disguised as hay and secretly stored in low visibility pastures, were tampered with at night. The intruding elk knocked down fence and lingered for many hours grazing on the potency helper.

“In the morning one could easily observe the effect of bull elk on the rampage,” said Thorgood Hill, a former tofu rancher who took to growing Viagra for the gov’ment last summer. “The adolescent bulls are generally rambunctious in the fall but this year they are really on a roll.”

According to sources on Wright’s Mesa, the Viagra was to be stored there until federals had time to experiment with the stuff. It was reportedly to be used on Hereford bulls to increase virility/productivity.

“Operation Animal Husbandry is a solid concept,” said Walter Breakfastmeate, a wrangler for the USDA. “We figured that a mix of Viagra and alfalfa would produce more calves and thus more job security for leeches like me. I think we need to rethink the approach and maybe move our stash to places where elk don’t wander around all night.”

Breakfastmeate terminated his epistle by adding that in Norwood there seemed to be a subtle distrust of the federal government even though the Hooterville of the San Juans had become a part of the United States way back in 1848 after the Mexican War.

“Don’t they have a curfew around here?” he asked.

– Signelle de Bushe