Reconstruction Finally Over?

Obama orders troops from south

(Montgomery) President Obama today ordered the withdrawal of more than 400,000 federal occupation troops from the southern United States, in hopes of putting an end to the American Civil War which has has raged since 1861. The troops had been in place since 1865 following the cessation of hostilities.

“We herald a new day in relations with our former adversaries,” said an Obama spokesman, who was not born until 1990. “We feel that the citizens of the former Confederate States have assimilated to the ways of the New America and should be welcomed back into the fold without a military presence there.”

Obama, from Hawaii, which became a state in 1959, after being conquered in 1893, has wanted to terminate the state of siege that has existed “down south” even though the region has always voted against him because he is Black and educated. Irony opened many doors here…too many to undress in this venue.

Reaction to the move was mixed with many residents miffed that the process took so long and that the sitting President that pulled the strings was Obama. Others were concerned as to the economic repercussions of the massive move of human bodies and the threat of attack by foreign armies.

“I sell a lot of Dixie Beer and hushpuppies to them soldier boys,” said Louella Stonewall Parsimmons, a reconditioned southern belle who operates Little Lula’s Levee Lounge, just outside of New Orleans. “It’s bad enough the drilling is up and down and half the fishing is banned from season to season. I may have to resort to prostitution to keep the lights on.”

Another local, Antoine LeCreppe, of nearby Chackbay, expressed concern over an impending invasion by Mexico.

“Those boys down there have coveted our crawfish bisque recipes since the French and Indian War. That’s before we stole most of the West from them in 1848,” he spat. “Y’all remember, as part of that Manifold Destiny scam, which didn’t do much for folks around here.”

LaCreppe claims that as soon as the Yankee troops depart, the former Confederacy will be swallowed up by Mexico and forced to pay homage to Emperor Maxmilian who was executed in 1867. He is relocating his fishing camp to Grand Isle in hopes of discouraging the first wave of attackers before they reach the heartland of Louisiana. – Marie Laveau