Queen Ends Tour, Reneges On Treaty

England’s Queen Elizabeth II, recently returned home from a tour of the United States, announced to Parliament yesterday that she is immediately taking steps toward the revocation of the 1783 Treaty of Paris and reclaiming all lands and territories ceded by that document.

The Queen told Parliament that the clandestine purpose of her trip to the United States was to conduct an on-site inspection to determine whether or not the colonists and provincials had as yet developed the county to a condition where it would be worth bothering with. She claimed that such had not been the case when she briefly toured America in 1959, and she had not taken action at that time.

Although she stated that she was still hesitant concerning the matter, she had decided that the nation had reached its apex of civilization and is now rapidly declining back to a state of barbarism. For that reason she felt this is the proper time to reinstate the guiding hand of British refinement through the introduction of a legal ploy masterminded by the royal family as far back as 1820.

Her Majesty’s claim to the previously owned territories is base upon a statement that her great-great-great grandfather was not in complete control of his faculties at the time the Treaty was signed. The truth of this statement is partially borne out by the fact that the former king, George III, was deposed while still alive, and a regency under his son, George IV, was set up to govern the empire. The cause of the king’s removal form the throne has always been cited as madness, which Elizabeth II believes will give her a legal claim to her family’s former possessions.

The Queen stated that she will petition the World Court, and if the treaty is invalidated there will be a general changing of boarders in a worldwide  reshuffling of world power. Co-signatories of the document included France, Spain, the Netherlands and the United States, and the action resulted in considerable switching of land ownership in 1783. The first four ratifying countries were major world powers at the time of the agreement, and the other has risen to such prominence since.

The major impact of the Treaty’s revocation will be felt on the mid-North American continent, where the four countries were at the time squabbling over dominion of vast tracts of land. If the Queen’s claim is upheld, what is now known as the United States will be divided between three of the other nations. England will regain sovereignty from the East Coast to the Appalachians, Spain the area from the West Coast to the Rockies, and France all the remaining territory in between.

Although the United States was only one of the signers of the Treaty, that country will apparently be the only one to fight against the Queen’s action. According to Rutgers News Service, the three beneficiaries are eagerly anticipating the recovery of their domains, as well as looking forward to an expected influx  to their respective treasuries when they will be able to demand some two hundred years back taxes, with accrued interest. The other involved country, the Netherlands, as usual claimed neutrality.

It was not clear how the development could affect the remaining Native American tribes living on the continent.

– Paul Mahl