Putin to Join FOX News Team

(Moscow — Red Square Follies — November 16, 2016)

Russians from the Urals to the Black Sea awoke to the shocking news that their former KGB strongman president had bailed, joining the political desk at Fox News. Sources close to Putin expressed similar distress at the development saying they had no indication the former propaganda specialist was planning too become a talking head in the United States.

“Vladimir Putin has resigned his position in the Russian Federation and will link up with Fox as early as next week.” said a curt press release from the network. “He will spend the first three months under the wing of our professionals then be expected to make up his own news accounts, leaning heavy on the fictitious content that made him “a force to be reckoned with” in the former Soviet state. He is looking forward to working with the beautiful, albeit mindless, female broadcasters.”

It was not clear whether the mutual admiration, shared between Putin and Donald Trump, has any impact on the decision . Putin has no previous experience as a television news personality. A sworn adversary of the Obama-Clinton Bandwagon, Putin should fit in nicely with the rogue’s gallery that does not let truth or polite restraint define the news. A reception is planned at New York’s Coney Island, where the former Russian big shot’s brother has a restaurant.

After that Putin will reportedly go shopping for new ties and an apartment to call his own.

– Clyde of Colona