Planets shedding fur no cause for alarm

(Ouray) The seasonal shedding of fur and skin by major planets in out solar system will not jeopardize life as we know it according to astronomers at Dexter Creek Phoebus Observatory here. Saying that a slew of meteor showers and a lot of fuzz in the air may complicate respiratory maladies, star gazers assured residents and visitors that things would “return to normal” just as soon as things return to normal.

“This kind of thing happens every year but it is particularly noticeable in 2013 due to the cold weather that has plagued the Universe,” said G. Jerry Dunn, operations specialist at DCPO. “In short since the planets did no shedding in March and April there is hair everywhere in May and June.”

Dunn then went on to draw some confusing analogy between shedding planets and shedding German Shepherds.

“Shedding is the final step in repeating the natural process in outer space,” he said. “It is a serious accounting and reordering of orbits prior to the end of the world which is scheduled for December 15.”

“Watching a grand old planet like Jupiter shed its winter coat is really quite a phenomenon. The only problem is that all that hair gets into our sensitive telescopes. We’re all learning on the job. Hell, back a few years ago we didn’t even know that planets had hair,” he smiled. “We thought they were all as bald as cue balls.

– Tommy Middlefinger