—Notice to All Intergalactic Alien Craft—

It would be infinitely appreciated if all alien spacecraft wishing to observe, land/touch down on the earth this summer would pay particular attention to extremely dry conditions here. Drought, which may be an unknown entity where you come from, has reached epidemic proportions. As a result the discharge of heat, infra-red light, lasers, and an assortment of other technological application associated with ascent and descent may set the whole planet on fire! We appreciate your adherence to our burning ordinances as well and ask that you inform all crew members to smoke only in designated smoking areas and use spaceship ash trays. Also, we would appreciate it if you refrain from lighting fireworks, and hosting barbecues until further notice. And please see that your crew conserves water when possible (toilet flushing, bathing and even consumption, if you need it to survive). If you possess any information as to other approaches to dealing with this natural malady we would like to hear from you. Finally, if you or the members of your flight crew need further assistance on hotel bookings, jeeping information, topo maps or dinner reservations while visiting don’t hesitate to call the local chamber of commerce in your landing zone. Thank you.