Navajo Conduct Nuclear Tests

(Tuba City) The Navajo Nation announced yesterday that it had tested nuclear weapons at an undisclosed spot on its Arizona reservation. Although no results were documented, it is believed that the explosion(s) went according to design.

“We expect the Navajo to begin throwing their weight around the Southwest real quick,” said Melvin Toole, Bureau of UnIndian Affairs in Window Rock. “At the present we are alarmed by the development but really don’t know how to respond. After all precedent was set way back in 1945 over in New Mexico.”

Toole and others are concerned that the Navajo will use the weapons against ancient enemies, the Hopi who, at last inventory, had stockpiled six shotguns, three sling-shots and a 36-inch Louisville Slugger with which to defend their sacred lands against penetration from the outside.

“We’re very apprehensive as hastily constructed missiles are said to be aimed at cultural centers such as Albuquerque and Gallup in what could be construed as factional disharmony within the Navajo tribe itself,” gasped Toole. “One smuggled bit of data suggests that the Navajo may have the capacity to hit Washington DC by the year 2018.”

A representative for the Navajo Nation told The Horseshoe that his people were sick and tired of losing to the cowboys. They are weary of getting shot off horses in old Western movies and of being portrayed as peaceful rug and pottery makers while the rest of the world takes what it wants.

“No more Mr. Nice Guy,” said one Navajo scientist. “Now even Kit Carson will have to listen.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe