Medical Notes: GENE LINKED TO STATESBORO BLUES

(Mao Clinic) Researchers here say they have isolated a never before detected gene that may have a lot to do with a medical condition known as Statesboro Blues. These particular blues, made famous by a host of black musicians in the 30s and 40s, is said to affect the central nervous system often causing in-grown toenails, scurvy, chronic pediculosis, the gout, and other maladies due to temporary geographic disorders.

The gene, at first almost undetectable, was discovered while scientists here were examining a crate of raw oysters under a microscope. The oysters were earmarked for a fundraiser.

“We thought maybe a piece of lint or some hair had forced its way onto one of the slides,” said a hospital source.

“We were about to eat lunch,” said Dr. Godfrey Daniels, a former physician at St Roscoe’s Memorial Carwash and Bad Food Bank in Bland Junction. “Someone noticed that our supplementary shipment of “angels on horseback” had been tampered with. We then stuck one of the edible bivalve mollusks under the microscope for further scrutiny and the Statesboro gene was quickly identified.”

Preliminary research indicates that there is a link between heredity and attitude, or, as one scientist proclaimed: “The inclusion of raw oysters in the diet may offer very positive options.”

“We were all certainly a lot happier after consuming the oysters and the vodka martinis didn’t hurt either,” she chuckled.

Called the “most important breakthrough in genetic research in over a decade” here at Mao, sources indicate more significant data may support these findings in the near future.

Isolation of genes is quite complicated and most people wouldn’t like all that horseradish,” said Daniels. “Now let’s go to lunch.” – G. Roscoe Lovinggood