McConnell: “Free Electoral College for every American”

Mitch “Kentucky Windage*” McConnell today promised free electoral college tuition for all Americans in return for concessions from Democrats regarding drilling rights to the Moon.

McConnell claimed that his constituency in Kentucky was already receiving this entitlement but few as yet have applied for this latest privilege.

“Senator McConnell doesn’t even care how you voted this is his gift to the people of Kentucky and all Americans,” said a closet aide.

Unreliable sources in Lexington say they have no knowledge of this offer or qualifications for the program.

“We’re still waiting for test kits,” said one angry representative who plans to vote for Amy McGrath for Senate in November.

– Mimi  Footlettuce

Kentucky Windage is the practice of applying a horizontal adjustment of the point of aim for wind (windage) without the use of any physical or mechanical adjustments on the weapon, basketball or the aroma after a hearty meal of soup beans and cornbread.