JEEP TO RECALL TWO MILLION CHEROKEES

(Oklahoma City) The Jeep Corporation today confirmed wild rumors that it would recall more than two million Cherokees over the next few months. The reason for the move centers on a highly efficient and intricate smoke signal system perfected here. The recall, if approved, will affect almost 60% of the entire tribe. Sources on the reservation say the Cherokee Nation has yet to blink in the face of the rich and powerful auto maker.

The smoke system will replace the 2012-2013 Owner’s Manual which even executives at Jeep agree “sucks”.

“I didn’t know we had that many Cherokees,” said Walt Gladstone of Silverton Used Cars. Considering all that Manifold destiny business that went down in the 19th Century the statistic is amazing. Most of us around here figured that after all the broken treaties by the White folks there wouldn’t be enough Cherokees left to field a baseball team.”

Most in the Cherokee Nation expressed anger and resentment when told of the program.

“Just because some corporation is handing out free bus tickets doesn’t mean any of us is going anywhere,” said Jules Littlehead, a Cherokee chief currently living back in North Carolina.”We don’t have to cooperate with this, yet another insult from our white brothers”.

Meanwhile lobbyists for Jeep have petitioned their friends in the federal gov’ment to intercede on their behalf. Plans to cut off the Cherokee trusts and limit water rights are already under advisement at executive levels.

But the Cherokee aren’t taking this matter lightly. Members of other tribes have been consulted and have offered support.

“It was horrible that the cavalry burned our villages and destroyed our culture. Then they named their streets and shopping malls after us,” said Littlehead. Later it was their cars. If we didn’t have all this oil sitting under the reservation we’d all move to Canada.”

A spokesman for Jeep assured the tribe that its people would not be detained for long and would be back home in Oklahoma soon.

“Even our license plates boast pride in Native America,” he rasped. “You can trust us.”

Oklahoma car license plates feature the slogan : Native America even though all of these “happy and contented Native Americans” were forced to go there to live on reservations in the 19th Century.

     Executives at Jeep have promised blankets, meat and medicine to any Cherokee who turns himself in before Christmas. – Kashmir Horseshoe