INOCULATION REQUIREMENT DROPPED FOR UTAH VISITS

(Nucla) Visitors to the the Beehive State will no longer be required to show proof of vaccines/shots according to the Sturgeon General’s Office at Cahone. The long held practice of preventive health insurance was abandoned after the Twin Cities (Nucla and Naturita) were shown to be reasonably safe.

“They haven’t had a case of leprosy in over 15 years and both communities continue to make strides on Dutch elm disease as well,” said Dr. Simon Lackluster of St. Roscoe’s Clinic in Cahone. “We think it has something to do with uranium tailings,” he mused, “but that’s a very touchy subject.”

The Disappointment Valley Optimist Club has already scheduled a prairie dog pancake supper to celebrate the lifting of the quarantine.

“It was killing our summer tourism,” said one member of the altruistic sect.

Red Soyalle, a Basque chef operating Grady’s Gravy Heaven in Paradox told The Horseshoe that “the gov’ment ought to stay out of the commerce end of things and help with the fly problem around here.”

“I hang fly paper and even give out swatters to every adult diner,” he whined. “Why can’ those little balls of snot open their own restaurant? They could serve (expletive deleted).”

Flies often grow to enormous size here but elected officials are reluctant to blame the problem on radium/uranium tailings (see above).

Visitors from Mars and Telluride are reminded that they are still required to carry a visa when wandering west of Redvale. That’s the document not the plastic.

– Uncle Pahgre