Horseshoe Lotto Fraudulent, Misleading Says State Treasurer

(Denver) Persons stupid enough to buy a San Juan Horseshoe Lottery ticket have about 1 in 30,000,000 chance to win any loot, according to state data reserves and unreliable casino sources up Confront Range canyons.

The State of Colorado, which would not release highly sensitive information on winning percentages in its popular Lotto programs, is investigating the Horseshoe for evidence of misdoings including possible extortion and kidnapping.

“The Colorado Gaming Commission was not amused by these ham-fisted and proletarian attempts to swindle the good people of Colorado and Wyoming. Never mind that the state has allowed gambling to diminish mining history and quality of life in palaces like Cripple Creek and creating cute little Disneylands and Bransons right in our midst,” said one former hardware store owner, turned Black Jack dealer in Central City.

“That entity (the Horseshoe) has no right to portray lotteries as the magic solution to social injustice and poverty. That is our job,” said an official release from Denver.

-Susie Compost