Hell Freezes Over

Refugees are evacuating Hell after the asylum for lost souls froze over on Thursday morning. Officials down under say the current state of affairs is temporary and that back up fires have been started in an effort to maintain temperatures, generally hovering around 100 degrees Celsius.

Hellians have been instructed to camp out in the vicinity of nuclear reactors until the “standard acclimatizing can be accomplished”.

“Everything should be back to normal,” said a spokesman known as Old Scratch, “before any real damage ensues.

Meanwhile the comfort level for our cherished sinner population has gone down significantly. Imagine spending eternity freezing in the dark.”

Beyond a little paranoia and the proverbial gnashing of teeth the situation appears to be under control. Dark angels had feared that the regular influx of the damned might be interrupted.

“With those humans killing each other upstairs we have a prominent stream of warm bodies to torment,” continued Scratch. “Most of our guests here in Hell are charlatan religious zealots who were too stupid and timid to realize that life on earth is the paradise that the mullahs, rabbis and priests keep preaching about in the afterlife.”

The interruption of services gives Hellians a chance to see how the other half lives, said Scratch who added that if the source of the problem can be determined, revenge would be taken.

“We are in no hurry to even the score,” he smiled. “Down the road we will extract retribution. Reprisals will not be pretty and vengeance will be our top priority.”                                    -Alfalfa Romeo