Good Advice

By Rev. Phillip Pharisee

Hello friends and special patrons. Welcome to Cousin Phil’s Sanctimonious Salvation Parlor and Halfway Lunch Counter.

We are pleased to see that so many of you negotiated the little windshield flyers and found us in the right strip mall so “Come on in for a cup of java and a rap at the hip quick-way-to-paradise church and progressive pyramid accounting temple.
But never you mind the details. We’ll take care of everything whether its your eternal soul or the souls of those worn out penny loafers.

Today I’d like to remind the faithful that we must honor and protect His gifts that I am bestowing on the deserving among you. We must be in awe of His universe and not take these wonderful handouts for granted. The entire Creation is yours to enjoy at the top of the pecking order. The pagans and the other species can have what is left when you are done with it.

Now, friends have asked: “Rev. Pharisee, how can I protect the vast universe when I can’t even see it?”

The answers to that and a lot of other pertinent questions about faith and hope can be answered in my newest self-published paperback “The Heathen and Heaven” where I lay it down so that anyone can grasp the keen relationships between God and man. It can be purchased right along with your lunch today.

We all spend far too much time chasing the almighty dollar when we should be chasing the Almighty Himself. We ignore His gifts and place them as secondary in our unbalanced set of priorities. A blade of grass for instance: have you ever really looked closely at one? It is perfectly proportioned. Did it come from a monkey too? Certainly not!

Only He and His wisdom could offer this fine congregation something on such a grand scale. It’s a virtual miracle.