Wal-Mart Bosses Hit by Lightening

(Gunnison) Several high-level officials with the Wal-Mart Corporation were reportedly struck by lightening Tuesday as they stood in a pasture north of here — the site of a proposed Super Wal-Mart. None where wearing seat belts. Sadly, the victims, all from corporate headquarters in Arkansas, were cheated and released at St Roscoe’s Hospital and are now back on the clock.
According to local weather experts this kind of strike is rare in that the rogue electric storm scored a direct hit and yet there were no fatalities. Most residents surveyed agreed that there was no thunder storm activity on the day in question and that the sun was out for the entire afternoon.
“If there was activity it would have been quite visible from here on the ground,” said one meteorologist visiting from a local Bland Junction TV station. “Hell, I’m always looking out for new angles from which to report the weather and I saw nothing but sun that day.”
Some sky watchers here feel the strike may have been the result of supernatural or even divine intercession in the wake of a class-action discrimination suit filed by female employees and ex-employees last week. Despite the pains of fellow citizens consumers spent millions there last week.
Only yesterday the giant retailer agreed to pledge more than $250 toward the construction of a American Heritage Theme Park on North Main Street if allowed to build a Super Wal-Mart here. The park would depict life before corporate control.
“If there is a God in the sky he probably doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart,” said one opponent of the expansion. “Does this mean that Wal-Mart shoppers will be punished later on for their indiscretions?”
This is the third separate report of natural disasters involving top brass at the discount hookshop. Residents and visitors alike are asked to avoid the current Wal-Mart store (or better yet conduct a personal boycott of same) until these matters can be sorted out. A complete investigation is expected by the weekend.