Feds Admit To Misplacing Rhode Island

(Providence) Today federal officials shocked the nation by admitting that they had lost Rhode Island for a few anxious hours in early April during the Corona virus lockdown. Sensitive to accusations about blatant incompetence and the absence of real security at the highest levels, a spokesperson for the feds read from a prepared statement:

“It is true that Rhode Island was in limbo on the morning of April 8. We could not find her anywhere. Then, almost as easy as we lost her, we found her again, hanging out with Massachusetts and Connecticut at the beach at Cape Cod.”

Relieved, the gov’ment workers quickly hauled the state back to its original position among the 13 colonies.

“At all times we were certain that Rhode Island would be located. In reality we did not lose Rhode Island. We just couldn’t find her. This was not a breach of security. We are functioning at the highest level. We are in charge. This is not a matter of easily access atomic secrets or even the botched forest fires of arrogance,” continued the release.

Insiders hope that the temporary absence of Rhode Island from the federal roster did not sprout seditionist sentiments down South where Confederates in the belfry, stung over prohibited display of the Stars and Bars, continue to fight the War Between the Snakes.

In closing, one spokesman for someone’s gov’ment, allegedly located somewhere in a fortified bunker on the Eastern seaboard, defended the loss in that Rhode Island is, “after all” the smallest of the states.

     “If there are fifty birds in the hen house it’s easy to see how the smallest could stray especially with the hungry Constitutional fox on the prowl. It was a mere oversight,” said the red-faced lackey.

– Pauline Pettifogger