FDA secretly tested flour tortillas in face of medical mask shortages

(San Andreas, CA) The United States Food and Drug Administration today revealed that it has been clandestinely testing flour tortillas as substitute medical masks in light of shortages in hospitals and on the street in 2020. The announcement, although a surprise to some, was quickly digested by most in that the concept is quite simple.

The unheated tortillas have elastic properties that, although limited, can be arranged to fit most faces tightly and securely. When the tortilla/mask is applied properly it will cover most mouth and nasal areas of the face with room to spare. Larger faces will need the family style version of the popular flatbread while smaller faces and children can get by with the casita style, which is smaller.

Researchers acknowledged that some flour particles stick to the wearer’s mug but that the pancakes breath nicely and emit a pleasant aroma even when worn for hours. People with beards did not like them nor did those with small chins

Consumers have been cautioned against using sopaipillas or arepas since they are not airtight. Likewise corn tortillas are ineffective since they are more brittle and do not mold to the lower cheeks or jowls.

Reaction to this potential use for tortillas has created a stir in some Hispanic communities but little hoarding has occurred.

“Those gringo tortillas that you buy at the grocery are not the real things anyway,” said Hectora Simon Ramone, a professor of food science at Cal Polygamy here in the California desert. “The real ones are homemade by the campesinos and their family recipes are not shared with government agencies.”

In addition the FDA further suggests that taco shells, artisan breads, egg roll wrappers, kabob rolls, pita bread and vegetarian wraps do not work well due again to inconsistencies in the makeup and distinct ethnic flairs.

When asked about other pantry items that might ease palpable shortages of ventilators available from the federal government a FDA source said, “That’s not our department. Call your governor.”

– Pepper Salte, Food Editor