Farcheezies stranded on Quad Lift

(Upper Forest Run) The Flying Farcheezies, a semi-notable East European high-wire act, remain stuck on the new high-speed quad lift above here it was disclosed this morning. The Farcheezies, the only living daredevils to successfully bunjy jump across the Black Canyon and negotiate Kebler Pass by electrical high-wire (over the same weekend) seemed relaxed in the face of chilly winds and sub-zero temperatures.

“We’ll rescue them as soon as we’re done making snow,” said Melvin O’Toole, Head of Lift Operations and Mountain Maintenance. “It’s not like we haven’t any other emergencies to deal with this morning. Frankly, these skiers drive me nuts. They seem to think the snow just falls from the sky!”

The Farcheezies have survived the night thanks to 200 pounds of trail mix and an orange from their backpacks. Although the Silver Queen Quad no longer features a cover it still has a convertible foot rack for the comfort of the ascending alpineer.
“I don’t mind a little cold,” said Enselmo Farcheezie, patriarch of the group, “but I hate like hell to have my legs fall asleep. These are the tools of my profession.”

Apparently the family boarded the lift at 3:59 pm despite warnings that the unit would shut down at 4:00 sharp. Accustomed to following orders in their native lands the family refused to jump from the lift or litter.

“We didn’t want to lose our gold passes,” said the older Farcheezie.

The Farcheezies were contacted by the local ski patrol at about sunrise and reassured that the lift would start up again at 9:00 am. When asked to describe the experience father Farcheezie said he could think of better things to do on a cold winter night and expressed thanks that the ordeal was almost over.

“It’s really quiet out there at three in the morning,” he shivered.

– Tommy Middlefinger