FALL TV PROGRAMS STIMULATING

(New York) Here are some of the more imaginative television shows for fall with a short synopsis of the first episode.

ALL THE TEA IN CHINA –  A 3-year-old computer hack isolates a secret code, breaks into Pentagon memory banks and orders the bombing of Shanghai cable-vision installations despite a weekend ban on campfires.

COOKING WITH LITIGATION – The pilot program traces the 2019 nightmare caused by giant mushrooms clogging Slumgullion Pass while anti-fungal crews risked everything to return to the status quo. When Zen prosecutors arrive on the scene aspen trees turn to celery sticks while marsh wasp impersonators promised the moon. Justice is served on a steaming bed of rice.

GREAT CITIES OF AMERICA – The first show chronicles the nightlife to be found in suburban Lima, Ohio.

JUST US HUMUS – Jim Bob tries to convince Lucinda to go out with him even though he’s been transformed into a glass of tepid iced tea. Junior is in jail again but his pickup is running at long last. Love scenes are pushing the limit on sugar and lemon.

WHAM-SLAM-BAM – Can pagan babies make it in the NBA? Find out yourself as one jive street smart family embraces capitalism in size 20 sneakers. Exclusively on The Pagan Baby Network. Sponsored by Nun Block Salve.

THE SPANDEX MYSTERY THEATER – RVs full to the brim with seeping garbage are shot into space just as Cynthia hears from Rob and Dave sleeps with Josephine. Arlo’s See-Thru Fashion line gets the nix in the Garment District and the price of vermouth skyrockets.

HILLBILLY HEAVEN – Transient Frog Boy antics upset second-home owners near Rico, Colorado. Joe’s edible cell phone ends up at the bottom of an abandoned Marshal Basin mine shaft with Joe stuck to it. The cops will have to investigate but never on prime time.

ARIZONA’S FUNNIEST BATHROOM VIDEOS – Veronica enjoys her 95th birthday having survived a bubble bath while her worthless off-spring attempts to siphon off champagne. Nice desert sunsets break up the suspense. The social flow is soon interrupted by a visit from the always thirsty Brian the Geek with the afternoon racing form.

SAN JUAN SAGAS – In a vain attempt to preserve the Needles Rain Forest Alferd Packer returns to his old haunts and hogs a full booth for himself at  the Ouray-Silverton Truck Driving Academy for lunch. He fails to tip.

-Kashmir Horseshoe, sociable critic