ECONOMY MOSTLY CLOUDY FOR NEXT FEW DAYS

Financial skies were mostly overcast over much of the nation today. Scattered insufficient funds hung over parts of the South while interest rates pelted the Pacific Northwest.

     Cooler investments and scattered stock options continue to plague the East with showers likely on Wall Street before closing. A cold front will push across the Midwest and collide with an upswing in retail sales before the weekend as an inflation will cause gusty winds in the foot hills of the Rockies. Nonetheless consumers can expect to get soaked.

     Meanwhile indoors the climate will remain constant with a persistent dry recovery rumored by Memorial Day when winds will reach unbelievable proportions again. Highs today were predicted on both the New York and American Stock Exchanges and at elevations over 10,000 feet. Across the central third of the nation it will remain flat with periods of incredible boredom persistent through the early evening. An imbalance will surface during the night due to a high pressure system arriving from the Common Market and a bothersome Japanese current.

     Bold face quotations include “Tie down the horses! It’s a twister!” and “Only fools and tourists try to predict stock index futures”. Supply-side global warming is sure to cause major deficits in annual snow-pack but six-packs of northerly moisture brewing in Canada could alleviate the situation for a few days.    

-Pepper Salte