Crested Butte Extends Liquor Licenses

(Gothic) In an attempt to relieve the tight housing crunch the Town of Crested Butte has issued 24-hour liquor licenses to many wet establishments here. The move is aimed at giving the suddenly homeless a place to spend the night.

“Let’s not confuse the houseless with the homeless,” said Blackie Browne, originator of the controversial plan. “These local poor souls are simply inconvenienced for the time being and will probably find accommodations by spring while the homeless are those other people who are not affected by seasonal considerations.

“We like to call them outdoor enthusiasts.” said Browne

The plan is expected to increase the tax base significantly while keeping folks off the streets on cold nights.

“Some people never knew when to go home before,” said a source at the Talk of the Town pub, “and with the new proposal that decision has been made much easier for them. We support the idea, even though we’ve been forced to put on another shift. It’s really quite astounding to watch a customer scarf down a chili dog at 4 o’clock in the morning.“

 – Mel Toole

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“Strange as it may seem, it was accepted in West Cork that the paramount objective of any Flying Column, in the circumstances then prevailing, should be, not to fight, but to continue to exist.”

– Guerrilla Days in Ireland by Tom Barry, on the psychology of the rebellion against British rule in 1920.