County Short on Smaller Hats

    (Ouray) After a less than thrilling summer tourist season, there is some good news on the street. Probably most important is an announcement that the sewage treatment plant is back to normal capacity. In addition, car alarm noise is back down to the lowest ordinance levels since May.

     But perhaps the most interesting statistic has to do with hat sales. Over the summer, sales of small sized hats boomed with sales tax figures cresting over the Labor Day weekend. The burgeoning sales appear to have nothing to do with fashion trends but rather seem dictated by comfort and function.

“We’re all but out of hats in the smaller sizes, “said Kathy Craig of High Country Leathers. “It’s not as if we even notice the size of people’s heads unless they come into the shop but this is quite a phenomenon. Sure, we sold some large cowboy hats and some Harley gear too but all in all the small sizes were the hot number in 2002. I hate to tell people with small heads that we can’t help them but I guess that’s just one of the tragedies of retail.”

Other merchants who sell headgear echoed a similar response. Many say they are completely out of hats in sizes 2 through 5. They agree that the big three-day weekends brought many pinheads to town…but pinheads with money to burn.

“We had several gov’ment seminars here this summer and the smaller hats sizes went like wildfire,” said one Main Street merchant who demanded anomosity. “We could always see them coming in large groups with their clipboards. I hope we can reorder in time for hunting season.”

Chamber officials were quick to point out that smaller heads do not always dictate lower mental abilities. They remind citizens that the effects of lower altitude, television and commuting to work take a toll on head size.

“All in all they (people with tiny heads) are not a disturbance,” said a source at the Ouray Variety Complex. “Next year we’ll simply order more smaller sizes and see who shows up.”

– Suzie Compost