Colombians Wake Up The Baby Jesus

(Jardin) While enthusiastically celebrating Christmas, my neighbors here have succeeded in waking the Baby Jesus from his slumber. The noise, somewhat deafening at times, began on the 24^th and continued well into the night only to be continued early the next day.

“The only reason there was any peace on the morning of the birth was because most of the people were either in church or behind closed doors hiding from the local priest who counts heads in the pews,” said Pilar Chevere who takes to hiding in caves during the holiday season (aka “the most wonderful time of the year”).

In addition to the rumba, church bells chimed loudly; leading the town’s agnostics to blame the entire incident on the intrusive and poorly timed ecclesiastical ding-dongs.

The parents of the child, Joseph and Mary, allegedly from nearby Ciudad Bolivar, were not particularly happy about the turn of events but they said their son was muy tranquilo and that he was coaxed back to sleep with traditional carioles in both Hebrew and Spanish.

Three Wise Men, who arrived in town today, marveled at the attentiveness of such a small infant. They had missed the actual birth due to the fact that they were visiting several very profitable children’s prisons near the US-Mexican frontier. They had initially feared he might be incarcerated in one of them.

Gold, frankincense, myrrh and earplugs, given to the baby as baptismal gifts, caused quite a stir in this coffee town while farther north these commodities finished well on Wall Street sending the daily stocks index through the roof. Although some 20% of the children in the US do not get enough to eat the economy is booming.

The visibly worn out parents, exhausted after the long trip from Medellin, asked for quiet, hoping that things would settle down after the New Year.

-Dolores Alegria

Many plan to leave decorations up all year

(Manana) Many residents here say they will leave their Christmas lights up until next holiday season despite wavering public opinion and long-held traditions to the contrary.

“It’s just easier to leave everything where it is than monkey with lights, wreaths and even Christmas trees,” quipped one reveler whose yard features three Santa Clauses, eleven elves and eight tiny reindeer. “Back in the days of real trees this was an impossibility but thanks to chemical advances in the petroleum industry we now have fake trees that do just as well in the living room as in the closet.”

It was not known if these improvements would affect county tax appraisals and property values soon to be established in early 2020.

– Fred Zeppelin